Cinderella, Belle, Tiana, Snow White. We know them, and we love them. But what do all these ladies have in common (besides the fact that they’re fictional Disney characters)? Happy endings! Prince Charmings! Riding off into sunsets! And isn’t that what we dream of as women? Find a man who adores you and treats you like a queen, right? Well, I did it! It took me a LONG time, but I DID IT!
My husband is the epitome of everything I dreamt about when I imagined the perfect mate in my head. Handsome, funny, smart, responsible, and romantic. I could go on and on and on! Ok… amazing husband…check. So, what comes next? As the saying goes, “First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage.” But let’s rewind for a second because my life definitely did NOT happen in that order.
The Pre-Perfect Husband Years
In 2007, I was blessed with the most incredible gift I could have ever received—my beautiful daughter Anyiah. Becoming a mother was an experience that I can’t even describe with words. It brought my life so much joy. I had my daughter in my early twenties, and for a long time, I was super content with having just the one child. She was my little sidekick. We were the ultimate mother/daughter duo. Then I hit thirty, and that little voice in my head started to say, “Wouldn’t one more baby be nice?”
I guess my biological clock did more than just tick—it spoke politely and constantly to me. But this time around, I wanted the whole shebang. The husband, baby, and white picket fence. Cliche right? But remember, I found my dream man (or he found me, but that’s another story). As I alluded to before, things were finally falling into place, and this was the next piece. It felt like God was out doing himself already.
Early on in my relationship with my husband, we both shared our desires to have a child together. My husband had no children, and even though he opened his heart to being a stepdad, I knew that this was something he longed for, and I was eager to oblige.
Now to the Fun Part…Right?
Let’s make a baby! Time to bring my dream full circle. I honestly thought getting pregnant would be fast, and we’d be happy, doting parents in no time. My first pregnancy was great. There were no major issues or complications. So, this time will be just like before, right? Nope. Not even a little.
Year after year, and countless pregnancy tests later, no baby. I was confused and hurt, but rather than live in that space, I downplayed it.
Year after year, and countless pregnancy tests later, no baby. I was confused and hurt, but rather than live in that space, I downplayed it. No big deal. It will happen. We have time. We’re still young. In God’s time. These were all things I told myself to try and make it seem ok, but I wasn’t ok.
Here I Stand in My Truths
After many conversations with my husband, we decided it would be best to see a professional. I remember the day I went to my appointment. I sat in my car, looking at the sign on the door. Fertility Center. Wow. Something is wrong with me. That’s what I believed, and ultimately that’s what I discovered. And so, my journey begins.
This blog is all about the steps I took and continue to take to live the life around everything I love, even those areas I can’t control. Join me on this journey. I know we all have unique stories and messages that we think no one else can understand, but this is a community of lovers who strive stronger together. Subscribe to my blog to learn more about infertility, marriage, our blended family lessons, cooking, and more.
Come back to hear about what happened next.